Your First Touch Is a Crime Against Football | Funny Football T-Shirt, Premium Fabric, Multiple Adult and Junior Sizes
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Cows Corner was made to deliver brilliant, funny sports gifts that are full of heart, and built to last.
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Loved by gift-givers across the UK, explore the Cows Corner story here.
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Our Cows Corner Story
Hi! I’m Len. A cricket-mad dad with a love for sport and a good laugh. A while back, I tried to send a funny cricket gift to a mate — but what turned up was a bit of a shocker. The quality wasn’t there, and it didn’t feel special. That moment sparked Cows Corner — a place for brilliant-quality, funny sports gifts you’d actually be proud to send. Now with personalised cards and gift boxing, I hope our products bring a smile, a laugh, and a bit of heartfelt joy to whoever receives them.
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Cows Corner
Cows Corner is your go-to destination for unique, sports-inspired apparel and accessories, blending humour, passion, and a love for various games. Whether you’re a player, fan, or just appreciate a witty take on sports culture, our collection of premium-quality T-shirts, hoodies, and accessories is designed to stand out. With bold designs, funny slogans, and a deep connection to the sport.
Shop with Confidence
Shop with Confidence
Whether you’re Sunday league royalty or a professional touch like a trampoline player, this T-shirt says what everyone’s thinking.
Featuring the brutally honest slogan "Your First Touch Is a Crime Against Football", it’s perfect for those who live and breathe the beautiful game — and aren’t afraid of a bit of banter.
Made for matchdays, pub nights, training sessions, or just winding up your mates, this classic white tee brings together football culture and unapologetic humour in one cracking design.
It’s soft and comfortable and available in a wide range of sizes, from big lads up to 4XL.
Product Features:
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Bold slogan print: Your First Touch Is a Crime Against Football
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Classic black tee with short sleeves and crew neck
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Made from soft, breathable cotton blend for all-day comfort
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Sizes available: S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, 4XL
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Regular fit – not too tight, not too baggy
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Great for casual wear, football training, or gifting your mate who can’t control a pass
Perfect for:
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Football fans with a wicked sense of humour
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Players who enjoy a bit of dressing room banter
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Anyone who’s ever shouted “Tame it!” from the sidelines
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Birthday or Christmas gifts for your club mates or that one mate who’s all effort, no tekkers
Own the joke. Wear it proudly. And remember – it’s only funny because it’s true.
Grab yours today before your mate does!
Cows Corner Product Specifications
Cows Corner T-shirt specification.
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Manufacturer code |
AT001J |
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Commodity Code |
6109100010 |
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Country of origin |
Bangladesh |
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Material |
Heather grey 90% cotton/10% viscose. |
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Colour |
Colour representation is only as accurate as the web design process allows. |
*Product specifications may vary depending on stock levels and availability. An identical alternative will fulfil the order if the above product is unavailable.
Domestic Shipping
UK delivery is £4.99 per order and free with a minimum spend of £50
Shipment processing time
All orders are processed within 1-2 business days, depending on the time of the year. Orders are not shipped or delivered on weekends or holidays.
If we are experiencing a high volume of orders, shipments may be delayed by a few days. Please allow additional days in transit for delivery. If there is a significant delay in the shipment of your order, we will contact you via email or telephone.
Shipping rates & delivery estimates
Shipping charges for your order will be calculated and displayed at checkout.
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Shipment method |
Estimated delivery time |
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EVRi/DPD/DHL |
2-4 business days |
Delivery delays can occasionally occur.
Shipment confirmation & Order tracking
You will receive a Shipment Confirmation email once your order contains your tracking number(s). The tracking number will be active within 24 hours.
International Shipping Policy
International shipping costs
Europe - £19.95 per order
The rest of the world - £24.95 per order
Shipment processing time
All orders are processed within 1-2 business days. Orders are not shipped or delivered on weekends or holidays.
If we are experiencing a high volume of orders, shipments may be delayed by a few days. Please allow additional days in transit for delivery. If there is a significant delay in the shipment of your order, we will contact you via email or telephone.
Shipping rates & delivery estimates
Shipping charges for your order will be calculated and displayed at checkout.
|
Shipment method |
Estimated delivery time |
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DHL Express |
EU 3-5 business days |
Delivery delays can occasionally occur.
Shipment confirmation & Order tracking
You will receive a Shipment Confirmation email once your order contains your tracking number(s). The tracking number will be active within 24 hours.
Customs, Duties and Taxes
Cows Corner is not responsible for customs and taxes on your order. The customer is responsible for all fees imposed during or after shipping tariffs, taxes, etc.).
Damages
Trogon Cricket Ltd is not liable for damaged or lost products during shipping. If you received your damaged order, don't hesitate to contact the shipment carrier to file a claim.
Please save all packaging materials and damaged goods before filing a claim.
Your First Touch Is a Crime Against Football FAQs
What size should I get for a funny T-shirt gift?
What size should I get for a funny T-shirt gift?
If you’re unsure about sizing, we recommend checking the recipient’s usual T-shirt size or opting for a size up if you're between sizes. This T-shirt comes in S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, and 4XL, perfect for footy fans of all shapes and sizes
Is the T-shirt good quality and comfortable to wear?
Is the T-shirt good quality and comfortable to wear?
Absolutely. This T-shirt is made from a soft, breathable cotton blend designed for all-day comfort. Whether it’s worn to training, in the stands, or down the pub, it’s a reliable fit with a great feel.
Can this T-shirt be given as a gift?
Can this T-shirt be given as a gift?
Yes! It’s a brilliant gift for birthdays, Father’s Day, Secret Santa or end-of-season team nights. The slogan always gets a laugh, especially if your mate’s first touch could use some work.
Does the slogan fade after washing?
Does the slogan fade after washing?
No, the bold black print is made to last. Just turn the T-shirt inside out and wash at 30°C for best results. It holds its shape and stays vibrant wash after wash.
Is it suitable for bigger sizes?
Is it suitable for bigger sizes?
Yes, we’ve got you covered. This tee goes all the way up to 4XL, so it’s a great fit whether you’re built like a centre back or just love your comfort.
Why Cows Corner?
Funny Football T-Shirt – ‘Your First Touch Is a Crime Against Football’
Looking for the ultimate gift for a football-obsessed mate? Or perhaps you’re the one who lives for matchday banter and loves a good laugh both on and off the pitch. This funny football T-shirt is designed for those who understand the beautiful game, and aren't afraid to call out poor tekkers when they see it.
With the hilarious slogan ‘Your First Touch Is a Crime Against Football’ boldly printed on the front, this tee speaks the truth every amateur pundit and five-a-side legend’s been dying to say.
Whether you’re a player, fan, coach or serial bench-warmer, this shirt is guaranteed to get laughs, start conversations, and raise eyebrows at the pub, on the pitch, or at training.
🎯 Who’s it for?
This T-shirt is ideal for:
- ⚽ Football fans who live for the game and a bit of banter
- 😂 Mates who never quite mastered their first touch
- 👕 Players who love wearing something different on match day
- 🍻 Pub league heroes and dressing room jokers
- 📦 Gifting to mates as a joke that’s a little too close to the truth
🎁 Perfect gift for:
- 🎉 Birthday presents for your football-loving mate or brother
- 🎄 Secret Santa for the bloke who plays every week but still can’t control the ball
- 🕺 Stag do outfits with a footy twist
- 🏆 End-of-season football team awards or novelty prizes
- 👨👩👦 Father’s Day laughs for footy-mad dads
🧵 Product Features:
- 👕 Classic white T-shirt with short sleeves and crew neck
- 📏 Available in sizes: S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, 4XL
- 💨 Soft, breathable cotton blend for all-day comfort
- 🧼 Easy to wash and wear, keeps its shape and colour
- 🖨️ Bold black slogan print that won’t fade
If you know someone whose touch could be improved with a sledgehammer, this is the T-shirt for them. It’s cheeky, it’s brilliant, and it’s made for true football lovers who know how to take a joke.
Don’t miss out — this is the kind of gift that gets worn, shared and laughed about. Add it to your basket today and score some serious comedy points!
Design Your Own AI Designed Product
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Looking for something truly unique? Design your own sports gifts in seconds with our AI tool.
From a cricket hoodie your teen will actually wear to a tennis bottle personalised with Dad’s favourite quote, you can create custom gear that’s as fun and original as they are.
Perfect for sporty kids, proud parents, and anyone who lives and breathes the game.
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Want to wow a cricket-mad partner or surprise your rugby-obsessed kid?
Our custom gift boxes turn great presents into unforgettable ones.
Packed with personalised touches and sporty flair, they’re perfect for birthdays, big wins, or just showing you care. It’s the kind of gift that feels made just for them, because it is.
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Stay warm, look sharp, and get the laughs.
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Whether you're on the sidelines at school cricket or heading out for a chilly Sunday golf round, these hoodies bring comfort and character.
Designed for adults but loved by sporty kids too, they’re the perfect fit for fans who like their style with a side of humour
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Morning brews just got a sporting upgrade.
Whether it’s cricket chat, rugby rants, or golf grumbles, our mugs are made for fans who like their tea with a side of banter.
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With bold designs and sizes for both grown-ups and kids, they’re made for match days, school runs, and everything in between.
Sport your sense of humour in style, on or off the pitch
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Captured a classic football moment? Turn it into something unforgettable.
Upload your favourite photos and create custom T-shirts, mugs, bottles and more, ideal for gifting to proud parents, teammates, or young players who’ll wear it with pride.
It’s your memory, your way, made into a one-of-a-kind keepsake they’ll never forget
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Start their sporting journey in style.
Our funny baby grows are made for the tiniest fans, with playful designs that rugby mums, cricket dads, and proud families can’t get enough of.
Soft, comfy, and full of personality, they’re perfect for showing off your future star, whether they’re snoozing, crawling, or practising their first victory pose
Funny Sports Water Bottles
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Stay hydrated and bring the laughs.
Whether you're coaching the kids’ football squad or serving up aces on court, our funny sports bottles add character to every sip.
Built for match days, gym sessions, and sideline banter, they’re the ultimate blend of function and fun, because your bottle should be as bold as your game.
